No Longer the Saint
by Clare Edwards
Summary: Will Clare give it up?
1. Chapter 1

Clare's POV

"_Clare! Hello, Earth the Clare"_ Alli was saying as she snapped her fingers in my face. "Huh what, were you saying something?" completely zoned out, trying not to pay attention or get jealous of Eli and his new girlfriend. Alli looks over and notices Eli leaned against his car talking to his flavor of the week and then sits directly in front of me. _"What is the deal between you two anyways?"_ I blankly look at her, confused at what she even means by that; everyone knows we broke up but remain as friends. _"I don't know what you mean, Alli. We are just friends." _Typical Alli rolls her eyes at me and gives me that smug look like she knows I am hiding something from her. _"Really Clare? I get you two are all buddy, buddy now. But you two flirt like crazy and in front of his new girlfriend. You are acting like Jenna!" _That pissed me off; she has no right to call me Jenna. I would never steal someone's boyfriend! If he dumped her, that is his problem not mine. Besides flirting is innocent it's not like we have had sex. I get up from the picnic table outside of school we were sitting at and I look right at her "You have no room to call me Jenna, I haven't slept around like the two of you have." With that I walked away, headed to get into Jake's truck. After all he is my step brother, he can drive me home. Not really paying attention to anything except wanting to get away for the Alli the hypocrite, which is when Eli stepped right in front of me, making me literally run right into him. I had to step back to see who it was at first, and the second I look at him he has that damn smirk on his face, _"Clare, are you busy later tonight?" _I smile curious as why he is asking, we haven't really hung out outside of school since we broke up. "_Not really, was just going to watch some movies. Just relax at home. Why?" _Suddenly he looks nervous "_Well, I was wondering if I could come over."_ I'm honestly shocked; it's been forever since he has been to my house. _"Oh, well no one will be home; so yeah you can come over." _I suddenly have butterflies in my stomach and my heart is racing. Why have I suddenly become so nervous? I am hoping that I am not looking nervous, I quit thinking and focus back on him and see him smirking "_I'll see you later then."_

After that he stepped out of my way and went and got in his car. I continue to walking to Jake's car and get in. on the way of home I suddenly realize he didn't say how late. I am hoping that it will be once everyone has already left, if not my family won't leave. As we arrive home, I quickly go upstairs and put my backpack away. I look around and see I don't need to clean, my room is already spotless. _**Ugh who said we would be in my bedroom, everyone will be gone. So we can sit in the living room. **_I head downstairs just as my mom and step are saying bye to Jake as he walks out the door. _"Clare, we will be eating after the play. I will leave you some money for pizza, okay." _I nod and go sit on the couch as they finish getting ready. I turned on the TV and see that nothing is on, so I turn off and get up. "_Alright, well we are leaving now. Have a nice night." _My mom said as she was walking out the door. "_Bye mom, I'll try"_ I said just as she shut the door. Bored and anxious on why he wants to come over, I find myself unable to concentrate on anything. I happen to walk past a mirror and see that I am still in uniform, _**oh yeah, real cute Clare. Like anyone would want see you in your school uniform outside of school.**_ I go upstairs and go through my closet, I know I have to have something that will catch Eli's attention. I finally find a black skirt, I quickly change and notice that it has shrank since the last time I wore it. _**Wow, if I bend over even the slightest my whole ass would be showing. That could work. **_Then I find a cute blouse with a revealing neck line, I quickly change into it and grab a pair of heels. I look over at the clock and see that it's almost 6 o'clock. _**Well he did say later, he will probably come over after he leaves his girlfriends. Ugh gag me. **_

I head downstairs and walk into the kitchen, just as I decide to call and order pizza there is a knock at my door. I place my phone down and I go answer it. I open it to see Eli standing there, with his hair just pushed out of his eyes, wearing black skinny jeans and white t-shirt and his black leather jacket. _**Why does he always have to look so damn good? **_I look at him and see a look of surprise on his face, I can't help but smile. "_Hi Eli, come in"_ he nods and walks in "_wow Clare, you…you look great." _My heart literally skipped a beat, "_Thanks Eli, it's just something I had lying around" _I walk over to the couch, and I know that is boring. So I walk over to the stairs _"Want to come up to my room?"_ I head upstairs without waiting on his answer. Within seconds I can hear him behind me; I walk into my room and sit on the end of my bed. He walks in and comes over and sits next to me and our hands brush each other. It was like an electrical shock_**. We have touched before and we have made out tons of times when we were together. Why this sudden wanting of him to be all over me, to kiss me and let his hands explore every inch of my body? I am supposed to stay pure!**_ Then he leans in and kisses me and I just can't fight it any more. It's like all the feelings we thought we gone, were there all along. I kiss him back and it's like everything disappeared, next thing I know I am lifting his shirt off, just as I toss his on the floor; his hands are on me lifting my shirt off. I slide my hands down his chest, something I have never felt bare before. I slide my hands down to his waist and slowly trace my hand down to the button of his jean. Just as I am slowly unfastening them, I can feel his hands on my back unlatching my bra. As I unzip his jeans I can feel my bra sliding down my arms. I lightly grab hold of his jeans and slowly pull on them. He stands up so it is easier to take them off. As I pull on them I make sure the boxers go too. I tug just a little more until they drop to his feet unveiling his big, slightly hard cock. I slowly lick my lips and look up at him, he is watching me. Not waiting for his okay, I get down on my knees and I slowly lick the tip. I feel him tense up, and I slowly slide his cock into my mouth. I hear him let out a slight moan giving me confidence to keep going. I slide more into my mouth and go faster, slightly gaging myself. _"Clare"_ I hear him moan, and I can feel his hands in my hair guiding me. I feel him getting harder and growing in my mouth, as my tongue massages his cock. I go as fast as I can, wanting to hear him moan more; that's when he stops me, with this intense look in his eyes. He picks me up off the floor and he lays me on the bed, quickly he pulls off my skirt along with my panties.

_**Oh God is this actually going to happen?**_ He steps out of his jeans and boxers and he comes closer to me on the bed. My heart is racing even more, _**am I even ready for this to happen? **_As I mentally ask myself the same question over and over again, I feel his hands spreading my legs open and he is sliding his hands down lower toward me. I look at him and he smirks, confused as of why he is smirking, I open my mouth to ask and then I feel him insert his fingers into me. I gasp and bite my lower. He starts moving them in and out of me slowly. It hurts at first and I'm not quite sure how to react. Then he starts speeding up and pleasure takes over, I moan instantly and move my hips in rhythm with his fingers. I want so much more, it's like he is reading my mind "_I want to hear you beg for it Clare, tell me what you want."_


	2. Chapter 2

That's when I look at him and smile, _"You must have me mistaken for someone else. Clare Edwards doesn't beg for anything." _It's like something over took me, I didn't think about anything, it just happened. I pull his fingers out of me and pull him closer to me, I see him smirk. Once he is on top of me, I make him roll on to his back and I climb on top of him. I can't help but fight back a laugh at the shocked look on his face. I place my legs on either side of him and lightly get hold of his cock and position it in the right place for me to slide it inside me. _**Oh Jesus fuck, damn it! **_I mentally cuss myself out from the pain, but not letting him see how much it freakin' hurts. Since it's it I slowly move my hips back and forth and he moves his hands up to my waist, guiding me. _**Ugh I thought this was supposed to be pleasurable, this is just boring. **_I look at him and see him biting his lip, wanting to get to the pleasure I thrust my hips faster. I hear him let out a moan of pleasure and I know I am doing it right. I grab his hands off my waist and place them above his head on the bed, holding onto them for the added support, I go faster and lean down kissing on his neck. The moment I lean down, I can feel my clit getting rubbed more. I moan against his neck, _**finally the pleasure!**_ I think to myself. Not wanting it to end I pick up my pace, thrusting my hips back and forth faster and I go harder. Making sure all of his cock goes deep inside me. I hear Eli moan more and he goes to move his hands. Not wanting to lose the pleasure I am feeling, I hold his hands down so he can't move them. I gently bite his neck as a distraction so he will quit trying to get out of my grasp. _"Ooohhhh Clare!" _I continue thrusting my hips faster and harder and can feel myself getting wet. I grip onto his hands as I moan into his neck. I can feel my body trembling and I'm not sure if my strength will allow me to stay in control. I push myself to keep my pace, but it's like Eli can read my mind. He quickly gets his hands free and he places on hand onto my back and holds me close to him and he rolls me onto my back. He grabs hold to my legs and presses them closer to my chest and he slams into me hard. I can't help but scream out his name. I can feel my wetness oozing more as he continues to slam into me hard. I can hear his moans getting just as loud as mine, I feel this sensation like I won't be able to take the pleasure much longer, _**Ah shit, I'm going to climax! **_"Jesus Fuck Eli" I am practically screaming. I can feel him trembling and know he isn't going to last much longer either. Just then I feel this warmth shoot inside me at the same time I feel myself cum. Our juices becoming one onto each other, he stays there for a minute and then lies next to me on the bed. "_God Damn it Clare that was good." _I just lay there trying to catch my breath just like he his is, he pulls my closer to him and I rest my head on his chest. His body is warm and sweaty just like mine, _**God I hope no one comes home right now**_, he wraps his arm around me so that his hand is resting on my waist. My eye's suddenly get heavy, I can tell Eli's breathing has become even and his hand is limp on my waist. I let my exhaustion take over and fall asleep.

To the windows to the walls, till the sweat drops down these… "_What the fuck?" _I slowly open my eyes as the sun is blinding through the window and I see I am still in Eli's arms; I look up at him and see him still asleep. Still hearing Get Low playing, I get up to look for the source. I start picking up the clothes and separating mine from his, I get to his jeans just as the music stops. I dig my hand in his pocket and grab out his phone and check to see if that was the reason. I hit the unlock button and see a missed call from his girlfriend, _**Ugh really, just gag me. What the hell does she have, that I don't? Really? Obviously something is missing or he wouldn't be here. **_I grab his clothes and toss them on the end of the bed and then walk over to the side and sit down next to him. Gently shaking him "_Eli, you need to wake up your phone keeps going off"_ he opens his eyes and looks at me smirking. I hand him his phone just as it starts going off again. He pulls me into him and kisses me, tossing his phone on the other side of the bed and then sliding his hand up to creases my breast. I slide my hand down his chest going lower as I kiss him back. Suddenly I hear a door slam and quickly pull away to hear my mother's voice downstairs. I quickly grab my clothes and toss Eli's clothes at him. We both quickly get dressed and fix our hair; I quickly grab a notebook that has one of my writings in it and toss it to Eli. He sits down at my desk and pretends to read it, just as my mom enters the room. "_Clare—oh, hello Elijah"_ my mom looks over at me with curiosity in her eyes _"I asked Eli to come over real quick to read my report so I can fix anything before it is due."_ I made sure to say like it was no big deal and just as she went to speak, Eli's phone went off again _**Oh thank God, saved by the phone. **_I grab his phone off my bed and hand it to him, he quickly reads who it is and looks up at me "_Can I finish reading this later? I really have to go meet up with my uh girlfriend."_ I nod and go walk him to the front door as my mom follows.

"_It's been a while since we have seen Elijah over. Are you two…?"_ I roll my eyes "_We are just friends mom, he came over to read my assignment so I know if I have to spend any more time on it or if I can actually go hang out with Alli." _I quickly go up the stairs and into my room to grab a change of clothes and take a shower. _**Seriously Clare, what the fuck did you do? You broke your purity promise and you slept with someone who has a girlfriend.**_ I let out a sigh and finish in the shower, dry off and get dressed. As I start to brush out my hair I get a text from Alli asking me to come over so she can talk to me about yesterday. I place my phone down to let her sweat for a while for a reply. I finish getting ready and see my purity ring from my reflection. I walk back into my room and hide my ring in my top drawer of my dresser and head downstairs. I quickly text Alli and tell her I am on my way as I walk to the front door. _"I'm headed to Alli's mom, I'll see you later." _Not waiting on a reply I walk out the door and head to Alli's.

Once I get there Alli is already outside waiting on me, "_Hey Clare—"_ she paused and I look at her. _"What is it Alli?" _She looks at me curious mixed with confusion "_Uh Clare, where is your ring?" _


	3. Chapter 3

Once I get there Alli is already outside waiting on me, "_Hey Clare—"_she paused and I look at her. _"What is it Alli?" _She looks at me curious mixed with confusion "_Uh Clare, where is your ring?" _I look down at my hand _"I must have left it in the bathroom, since I had to quickly shower so you could have me walk all the way to your house to talk." _She nods and walks us inside her house and leads us to her room. _**What drama is it going to be about today? I just want to have time to myself. **_I take a seat on the end of her bed and she sits next to me, but not making eye contact. _"Look, I'm sorry Clare. You're not like Jenna. I know you would never take someone's boyfriend and I know you wouldn't have sex with Eli or even give a blow job. You're better than that and I'm sorry for accusing you." __**Jesus fuck, stay calm Clare, don't let her suspect anything. **_I smile slightly at her, _"Its fine Alli, I know you were just looking out for me and you didn't want me to do anything stupid. Apology accepted." _She goes on to talk about some guy, I'm so zoned out I can't tell if it is about Dave or some other guy._ "Clare, am I right?" _I look at her blankly, just as I go to confess I didn't hear her, my phone goes off. _So farewell, somebodies going to miss you…_I don't even have to look to see who it is, I already know it's Eli. I unlock my phone to see his text _Clare; do you think you can come by? We need to talk. __**Oh fuck me; this is not going to be good. **_I look up from my phone to see Alli looking at me with her eye brow arched brow wanting to know who it was, so I look her and the eyes and lie "_Alli, that's my mom. I have to go home; I'll talk to you later alright?" _I get off her bed and quickly leave her room, hurrying down the stairs and headed out the door.

Once I get out of the sight of Alli's house, I text Eli back telling him I am on my way from Alli's and that it might take me a while because I am walking. As I walk I let myself think of what happened last night. Now that the adrenalin of trying to cover it up from my mom and Alli has died down, I realize that I am even more sore then I thought. I know that there is no way that last night can repeat itself. He has a girlfriend, which is just wrong. But I know that the feelings I have tried to deny and not let get in the way of our friendship are real. _**I still love Eli and no matter what I can't deny that.**_ I continue to walk to his house and not paying attention to much else but my thoughts. I soon realize that I am at his house and see that his car is parked out front. My heart sinks, as I was hoping he wouldn't be home and I could just avoid this conversation. I walk up to the front door and go to knock as Bullfrog opens the front door, startled he just looks at me for a second "_Oh, Clare…nice to see you here, Eli is in his room" _He moves out of the way to let me in, but he is still has a look on his face like he is trying to figure out why all of a sudden I am over here. _"Eli asked me to come over; I think to look over his assignment; since I am his partner." _He must have believed it because then he and Cece were walking out the front door; so I walked to Eli's room and knocked on his door. Eli opens the door and allows me to enter, shutting the door behind me. I try to look at him to see if I can tell if this is going to be a good talk or if it's going to be a bad talk. _"Have a seat Clare" _I look at him and his face is unreadable, _**Damn why does he have to be so good at hiding shit! **_I shake my head "_No thanks, I would rather stand." _He smirks and then sits on the end of his bed, my heart is racing and it's like I can't hold anything in any more. He opens his mouth to speak and I cut him off _"Eli, we can't do that again. What happened last night, well I can't say it was a mistake because to me it wasn't. But you have a girlfriend as it's not right to do that to her. I-"_Before I can finish he cuts me off by kissing me softly.

He is my weakness, I know how wrong this is but I can't help it. I kiss him back just as softly and it's like a spark was added to flame. He kisses me deeply and passionately, _**why did we ever break up in the first place? **_I continue kissing him as I run my hands down the front of his shirt and I play with the bottom of his shirt and he rests his hands on my waist. There is this want, this need, growing inside me. I have to feel him, be closer to him. Have that feeling of one again, so I raise up his shirt and take it off, tossing it on the floor. He smirks and kisses on my neck sliding his hands up my shirt, I bite my lower lip. _**What the fuck Clare, this can't happen. Did you forget he has a girlfriend?**_ He takes my shirt off slowly and tosses it over by his and goes back to kissing on my neck. I run my hands down his bare chest and unfasten his jeans, slowly pulling them down until they drop to his ankles. He steps out of them and starts unbuttoning my jeans and pulls them down along with my panties until they drop to my ankles. I step out of them and walk him closer to the bed. Once his legs are up against the bed, I pull down his boxers until _those_ too drop to his ankles. He gently bites my neck and I slide my hand to his exposed cock, I hear his gasp as if he wasn't expecting me to grab hold of it. I move my hands up and down his cock, stroking it slowly at first as he lightly licks my neck. _"Mmm Clare" _he mumbles into my neck, not being able to wait much long, the need of having him in me is just too strong. I gently push him onto the bed, not waiting for a response I climb on top of him and slide his hard cock inside me. I move my hips back and forth quickly, I'm still sore from last night but I figure if I start out fast the pain will stop. I move my hips faster, making all of him go inside me as he runs his hands from waist traveling up my stomach and creases my breast. I can feel myself getting wet and I can see the pleasure on his face _"Uuunnnfff Clare" _I move my hips thrusting harder and faster, placing my hands onto his chest for support, when I hear _I'll take you to the candy shop, I'll let you lick the lollipop_. I try to ignore it and focus on moving my hips, when it goes off again. I look at Eli and he seems to have not even noticed it, so I go faster. _**If it goes off again, I'm answering it and telling him to turn it off. **_As if reading my mind, the damn phone goes off again, I see it's on his stand table so I reach over and grab it. It's a text _"Eli, I need you now ;) come over" __**You're fucking kidding me? **_I stop what I am doing and look down at him, _"Why did you stop?"_ I look at him like really are you seriously asking me that question, I get off of him and go over and grab my clothes. _"Clare what's wrong, why did you stop?" _Realizing I still have his phone in my hand I toss it over to him _"Who the fuck is Elena?" _


	4. Chapter 4

He looks at me stunned and I know he is trying to think of an answer. _"Well, who the fuck is she? No secrets Eli!" _I glare at him while getting my panties on and he looks down and takes a breath _"Fine, if you really must know she is someone else I have fucked." __**OH JESUS FUCK! **_I bite the inside of my cheek trying not to explode but I feel so dirty and feel so used that I can't hold it in any longer. _"Are you fucking serious? You have someone texting you for a booty call? Is that what you think I am too, a fucking booty call?" _I quickly finish getting dressed, my body is boiling from how pissed I am. He gets up off the bed and starts walking over to me _"No you are not a booty call; I don't see you like that. Elena was a one-time thing!" _He gets closer and I step back _"Then how the fuck do you see me? I am not a fuck buddy; I'm not someone you can just use whenever you get horny!"_

I turn around and storm out of his room _"Clare!" _I can hear him in his room fumbling to get dressed, but I don't turn around. Instead I walk out the front door, slamming it behind me and not even looking back. I quicken my pace hoping that I will have a bigger lead on him, if he tries to catch up. I grab out my phone to call my mom and ask for a ride, but remember that she thinks I'm at Alli's. I am so hurt I want to cry and I am so furious I want to scream. That is not the Eli I know, he has never cheated on anyone. _**Oh for fuck sakes, he could have been cheating on me the whole fucking time we were together! **_I bite the inside of my cheek fighting back the tears as I continue to walk home. I know how sad and pathetic it would look if I started crying now, and I know once I get home my mom would ask what is wrong. What would I tell her? _**Oh geez mom, I'm crying because last night I fucked Eli and broke my purity promise. Oh then I went to Alli's and bailed on her because Eli wanted to talk, but then we almost hooked up again. Oh you want to know why we didn't. Because someone else text him for a booty call. Yep, your daughter is officially a slut, aren't you so proud? Because I just feel so great about how my first time turned out! **_

After my mental discussion with my mom, a conversation I do not want to have, I fight back the tears until I get home. I walk up to the front door and can smell my mom has made homemade tacos for dinner. I take a deep breath and walk inside _"Clare, you made it home just in time for dinner." _I don't even look over at my mom, I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself _"I'm not hungry mom; I ate with Alli at the Dot. Sorry" _I head upstairs to hear here say its fine as she sits down to eat with my step dad. I quickly get into my room and shut the door behind me and sink to the ground crying silently. _**How could I have let this happen, why was I so stupid to even let it happen in the first place? Why is he even with her, if he is just going to cheat on her? Why did he have to use me? Are my feelings for him that obvious that he saw me as an easy target? **_I bite back the tears and try to pick up my already broken heart, even if it's just for a moment. I quickly change into my pajamas and lay in my bed in the dark. As the thought of last night and today replay through my mind and I can feel the tears wanting to escape, there is a knock at my door and my mom enters the room. _"Hey, are you going to bed now? I just wanted to see if Eli was going to come over again to finish looking over that assignment." _I feel like she knows it's a lie, like she knows he was over for other reasons. I shake my head and then realize it's dark and she probably can't see that, so I take a breath to steady myself before I speak _"Yeah, I'm going to bed. I have a headache and I'm not sure if he is coming back over. I haven't talked to him since he left and I'm sure he has plans with his girlfriend. If it's decided that he will come over, I'll let you know, okay." _I face the wall so she doesn't see the tears as they slowly start to escape, but she must have taken that as end of conversation because without another word she leaves my room, shutting the door behind her.

I sigh in relief and close my eyes to try to even sleep when my phone goes off _So farewell somebody's goin' to miss you.._


	5. Chapter 5

I grab my phone and shut it off and bury my head into my pillow while I cry myself to sleep. The whole night I toss and turn replying the events in my head. I wake up and my eyes are sore and I just feel drained. I look out my window and see that it's light outside so I look at my alarm and see that its noon. I sigh and slowly sit up in bed and notice that it's really quiet in the house. _**Thank God, maybe I can make it to the shower without anyone noticing my bloodshot eyes. **_I get out of bed and grab a pair of jeans and a plain black shirt and I quietly walk to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and groan _**Ugh I really look like shit**_; I start the water and then start to undress. I get in the shower and just let the water run over me as if it can wash away the memories of the last two days. After what seems like hours of just standing there, I quickly wash and then turn off the water. I step out to see the whole bathroom in a fog. I quickly dry off, get dressed and make myself presentable where no one will be able to tell I have been crying. I walk downstairs and go to the kitchen, _**I'm not even hungry**_, and I go to turn around when I see a note on the table.

_Clare didn't want to disturb you. You looked like you had a rough day. Went to run some errands Jake should be home later today, so if you need anything before then just call me. Love, mom_

Seeing the part about calling if I needed anything made me realize I left my phone in my room, so I went back upstairs and to my room. I went over to my stand table next to my bed to grab my phone but it wasn't there, panicked I start looking on my bed only to end up finding it behind my bed between the wall and my headboard. I grab it, remembering that I turned it off last night; I turn it back on for it to go off like crazy. As it goes off I go downstairs and walk outside and sit on the porch and after a few minutes my phone finally shuts up. I look and see a few missed calls from my mom along with a few texts from her seeing if I have woken up yet and if everything is okay. So I quickly text her and tell her I am up, everything is fine and that I forgot my phone was turned off. Then I look through again and see some texts from Alli seeing if I would like to hang out today and then I see messages from Eli asking if we can talk.

I sigh I really don't want to deal with any of the drama from yesterday and I really am not in the mood to hang out with Alli. I rest my head on my knees just wishing I could disappear; _**why does this have to be so complicated? This would be so much easier if he were single, scratch that, this would be better if he were just mine. Oh who are you fooling Clare, he will never be yours, you ruined that chance. **_Just when I think there isn't anything that can make this any worse I hear a car door shut _**Ugh great, Jakes home. **__"Clare?"_ _**Oh fuck, that is not Jake's voice.**_ I slowly raise my head up to see Eli looking down at me, I sit up and look him in the eyes _"What do you want Eli?"_ He sits next to me and he takes a deep breath in and then slowly lets it out; for a few minutes we are sitting in silence.

"_Clare I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you. You are not a fuck buddy or a booty call; you're so much more than that. I know I will never find someone like you, I still love you Clare." _My heart sinks and as much as I want to stay pissed off at him, I can't. I bite my lower lip and look up at him _"I still love you too Eli. But you have a girlfriend and it's false to be doing what we did. I know I will never have a second chance and if we continue this it's just going to lead me on."_ He looks at me _"Clare, I can always give you a second chance."_ I look down _"Did you ever cheat on me?" _There is no hesitation he quickly answers _"I never cheated on you then and I would never cheat on you ever." _I take a second before speaking _"If we ever become an us again, you have to promise; no secretes we tell each other everything; we'll be honest, no cheating. I have to be your one and only." __**Wishful thinking Clare**_. I slightly look at him and again he doesn't even hesitate _"I promise no secretes, honesty and you will be the only one." _I finally get the courage and look at him again in the eyes _"You know eventually you will have to choose."_ He nods "I know." I sigh _"Are we still friends?" _he smirks _"Always."_

_**Why does he have to make it so hard to stay mad at him and why does he have to be so damn cute, it makes it so hard not to want to kiss him. **__"Change of subject? I really don't like being mad at you." _He smiles _"change of subject would be nice." _I smile and motion to the house _"Wanna come inside?" _He nods so we head inside; I know Jake will be headed home soon so I don't dare ask if he would like to go to my room. Instead we just hang out in the living room. I turn on the TV and Invader Zim is on, so we sit down and watch it together. Being our random selves and like nothing has happened between us, we start quoting the show. We both end up laughing and then he leans in close to me and he kisses me, _**Oh God he makes me melt**_, not hesitating at all I kiss him back. The next thing I know I am laying on my back with him on top of me, I have completely zoned out everything except him. We continue kissing and he rests his hands on my hips and I wrap mine around his neck. Time seems to just fade away, _"Clare!" _Eli and I both quickly separate and look to see who is yelling, as I sit up I see that it's Jake, _**perfect timing Jake. **_I fumble for words as I try to explain what he just saw or didn't see, but he walks to the stairs not even looking at us _"I didn't see anything"_ then he quickly goes to his room. I look at Eli apologetically but before either of us can speak his phone goes off and he gets up off the couch. _"It's Bullfrog, I'm late for dinner. I'll see you tomorrow." _I nod and walk him to the door once he leaves I head upstairs to my room. Thinking I could just go relax for just a minute before getting my stuff together for school tomorrow, I open my door to see Jake sitting on my bed. _**Just please shoot me now! **__"Uh hey Jake, is there something I can help you with?"_ He gives me this grim look and pats the end of my bed, _"Sit down Clare, we need to talk." _


	6. Chapter 6

I take a slow breath trying to clear my head and I go sit on the end of my bed, facing Jake who is sitting at my desk. I look up and he is looking through me _"Clare, you know Eli has a girlfriend. Hell who doesn't know he has a girlfriend?"_ I narrow my eyes at him _"Yes, I do know he has a girlfriend. What's your fucking point Jake?"_ He looks at me with disgust _"You know he has a girlfriend, but you continue to see him?" __**Continue to see him. It's only been since Friday and all he has seen is we kissed. **__"Like you have room to talk? As I recall you had a girlfriend and you kissed someone right in front of her. All we have done is kiss and you walked in on it when it happened." _I get up off the end of the bed and walk over to my door _"Oh we aren't done talking Clare, do you honestly think I'm stupid?" _I turn to face him _"Do you really want me to answer that Jake? I don't think you will like the answer." _He looks so smug _"Where is your purity ring, Saint Clare?"_ I try not to show that he hit a nerve, I don't want him to know that his assumption is right, so I look down at my hand _"I lost it on the way to Alli's, if you must know." _He gets up and walks over to me _"We both know that is a lie. Do you know how slutty that is Clare? You need to break it off with Eli, are you are to him is just a fuck buddy." _Those words were like a stab in the chest and before I can say anything, he walks out my room shutting the door behind him as if saying end of conversation.

I walk over to the bed and pull out my phone and quickly text Eli, _Hey are you busy? We need to talk right now. _I hold onto my phone waiting for a reply, hoping that he isn't busy. Just as quickly as I sent it, I get a reply back. _No I'm not busy, what's up? _

I reply _Jake…  
_

_What about Jake? _

_He was in my room waiting on me, he knows we had sex. He didn't see my ring on and said it needs to stop. He called me a slut and said all I am to you is a fuck buddy. _

_What the fuck? Are you serious? Is he still there?_

_Yeah he is still here, why? _

I don't get any reply, so I resend it again and still nothing. _**Great, now I have pissed Eli off too. Fucking great! **_I lay my phone down and chew on my bottom lip waiting on a reply. After a few minutes my phone still doesn't go off, I now know Eli is pissed and I won't hear from him the rest of the night. I gather up my school work from school tomorrow and make sure I got it all done. Even though I really didn't proof read my English assignment, I put it in my folder and back in my book bag. My phone goes off, so I quickly go over to it hoping that it's Eli. I look and see it's my mom; she is still running errands so she will be picking up dinner and asked me to tell Jake. I open my door to go tell Jake, when I hear a knock at the door so I head down the stairs, to see Jake opening the door. To my surprise I see Eli in the doorway, _**what the fuck is he doing here? **_As if reading my mind I hear Jake _"What the fuck do you want Goldsworthy?"_ Eli looks really pissed, but he doesn't say anything. Instead he punches Jake right in the face.


	7. Chapter 7

I gasp and see Jake stumble back as I stay frozen on the last step. I can't really tell where Jake has been hit, but now he looks even more pissed off. _**Why is Eli even hitting Jake? **_Then I see Jake regain his balance just as Eli is walking through the door. Eli steps toward Jake and swings at him again, only this time Jake avoids the contact and in return he hits Eli. This whole thing seems to be happening from a distance like I'm on the outside of it all watching it on TV or something, not like this is happening in my living room. I see Eli stagger back and he reaches up and touches the side of his face and he lunges at Jake knocking him over the couch and he hits him again and this time I hear it. It doesn't sound good, I see Jake shove Eli off of him and then notice Jake's nose is bleeding. I finally get the nerve to move and Jake hits Eli again. _"Knock it off you two! This is stupid! Do you even know why you are fighting? I am pretty sure I know what it is and honestly you both need to get over it. In a way your both are probably right. I-I can't do this." _I grab my jacket and I walk out the front door, slamming it behind me leaving the guys to tend to their selves.

I walk with no destination in mind while my thoughts run through my mind. _**Why would Jake care if I broke my purity promise with Eli? I dated Eli for a while without sleeping with him and who cares if he has a girlfriend, I still love him. I never stopped loving him. Why would Eli be so pissed off at Jake calling me a slut or a fuck buddy? Why would he care what people thought of me? Clare, if you're going to be honest with yourself then you're going to have to admit, it is slutty for you to even sleep with someone who is taken, even if you have feelings for him. You made a promise, no sex before marriage and you broke that in one night. How would you feel if you were with him and he cheated on you? Exactly, you will feel like scum. Kind of like you feel now. He doesn't want a relationship with you, he wants her. So in a way Jake is right. **_I sigh and fight back the tears that I feel are about to run down my cheeks. I blink in hope that will postpone them long enough for me to get to somewhere private. I look around and try to focus and see the park across from me; I walk there and see that it's abandoned. I walk over to the furthest tree and sit in the darkest spot, so no one would be able to see me and I let the tears fall.

After a while of crying and feeling like there is no possible way I could cry any more, I hear my phone go off. I look down and see that there is a text from my mom,

_Clare-_

_Where are you? Jake said you stormed out. He is sitting here with Eli waiting on you to get home. Can you explain to me what happened, why did I come home to the house a wreck and seeing both boys bleeding? Text me as soon as you get this._

_Love, _

_Mom_

I sigh and instead of texting my mom, I grab out my phone and text my sister. It's been a while since we have talked, but if anyone would understand it's her.

_Sis-_

_I messed up big time, I know to you it wouldn't seem like it. But to me, I did. I feel like shit and I don't have anyone to talk to about it and I know you have been there. If you aren't too busy, can you please text me?_

_-Clare_

Then I text my mom back

_Mom-_

_I don't know what is going on either. Maybe they were goofing off and it got to rough. What do you mean they are bleeding? Why are they waiting on me?_

I hit send and soon have a reply back telling me to come home now. I know I look like a mess and at this point I honestly don't care, I stand up and put my phone back in my pocket and walk home. I know when I get home I have to face Jake and Eli and then my mom will probably find out I am no longer pure. I can already see the disappointment on her face and I know she will side with Jake. It seems like time just froze because in no time I am already home. I walk up to the front door and take a deep breath and close my eyes trying to calm myself before I enter the storm. Once I step in, I see Jake and Eli in the kitchen both with ice packs on their face. So I walk over to them, I can see concern on Eli's face and I just see disgust on Jakes face. I bite the inside of my cheek to make sure I don't cry again and as I get closer to the kitchen, I can make out what is wrong with them both. It seems like Eli has a black eye and a busted lip and Jake has a black eye and a busted nose. I look around to see where my mom is and then Eli speaks _"Your mom is upstairs, I told her we were joking around and I didn't take my medicine and I just flipped a switch. That it was my fault." _He reaches for my hand and I step out of his reach. _"Thanks for covering about why the fight happened. But you need to go home; I can't talk about this right now." _I don't even make eye contact with either of them and head up to my room. As I sit on my bed, I can hear the front door open and then close; then followed by Eli starting his car. I know that I have to stop seeing Eli in any way other than friendship. I know that there will never be anything more between us then that and as I look out my window, I see him drive off and the flood gates open again. The rest of the night is a blur and I don't remember anything I did after seeing Eli drive away.

I get woken up by a knock on the door _"Get up and get ready for school, if you aren't downstairs soon, I'm leaving without you and your ass can walk!" __**Yep, looks like yesterday wasn't a dream and I will have to deal with a pissed off Jake. **_I quickly get dressed putting on the Degrassi uniform, khakis and a red polo; I grab my book bag and go downstairs. I walk go over to the front door while Jake puts his bowl in the sink, he turns around and he just shakes his head. Not wanting to hear what he is even going to say, I walk out the front door and go sit in his truck and wait on him to leave. As I wait my phone goes off and it's a text from Eli, I hit ignore and don't even bother reading it. Finally Jakes gets in the car and we drive to school, as my phone goes off again. It's another text from Eli and I hit ignore and then a text from Alli. _OMG Clare, what happened to Eli? You have got to see him! He has a black eye and busted lip. His girlfriend is having a cow; all he told her was that he and Jake were goofing off. Everyone wants to know why they would even be hanging out. So what happened? _I put my phone on silent and slide it into my pocket and close my eyes and lean my head back against the seat. After a few minutes I open my eyes to Jake hitting his breaks hard and practically jerking me forward, his way of telling me we are at school without talking to me. I get out of the truck to everyone watching me, the whole school must know about the fight between Jake and Eli and they must want to see if the rumors are true. Once Jake is out of the car I can hear other students gasp as they catch sight of his wounds. I bite the inside of my cheek _**God, I know I haven't been that great of a person lately but can you please just make me disappear? **_

"_Clare Edwards, we need to have a little talk" _


End file.
